Abu Dhabi: Hilarious episode of so-called faceless FB friend

By Dr H Sadashiva Somayaji
Bellevision Media Network

Abu Dhabi: It all starts with a friend request from invariably a girl with the surname Sharma who lives in India’s national capital New Delhi. There is always this pretty profile picture. A locked profile info, few made up followers, few following groups. Job profile when you accept the friend request has to be working in a parlor in New Delhi. The very next hour after accepting the friend request there is going to be a Facebook messenger message waiting. It starts off with a ‘hi.’ Obviously curious enough you will write at least a ‘hi.

 

Invariably the next question will be ‘Kahan Se ho aap.’ This is of course to find out if the victim is anywhere near your catchment area or there is no point in pursuing.

 

I ask why do you want to know miss? Then there is a lull. As predicted, the next question was ‘Mujhse dostii Karoge??’

 

Now I can’t help it. I just want to play the game along and pretend as if it was a genuine query and a pretty girl from nowhere is really interested in becoming my friend. But I also want to play the ‘hard to get me’ game, not some easy gullible middle aged dumbass (which is what I am in fact), who is just over the moon to have a pretty girl as his Facebook friend.

 

I write ‘that’s ok, but I charge quite a lot, at least 500 dollars for an hour!! If you are ready to bear the expenses, then let’s see.’

 

Then I get ‘Your WhatsApp number, send me.’

 

I say ‘sure but what are you going to do with it, and how are you going to pay me, I charge a minimum of 1000 dollars and that’s just for consultation. If there are any investigations or surgery required, the fee may reach up to 100000 dollars (as if I’m a private plastic surgeon sitting in Harley Street, London).

 

Then I get ‘Google Pay? Phone Pay?’

 

Then I say, I am old-fashioned and send 1000 dollars to this address. Once I have received proof of payment then let’s continue the discussion regarding our friendship.’

 

Surprise surprise, there are no more messages and I kick myself for blowing it. I had a golden opportunity to project myself as gullible prey and continue the game but out of inexperience in playing the game and excitement I threw it away.

 

But I wanted to have the last laugh…

 

So I wrote ‘I’ll send my credit card details as well as PIN number, you are allowed to make withdrawals of no more than 3000 dollars in 24 hours, Once the limit is reached let me know, I’ll add more money to my account, and once money is over let me sell all my property and finally we break our beautiful friendship by me parting with my kidney.’

 

I had to add ‘Please allow me to keep one kidney at least, peshap Karne ke liye jaroori hai!!

 

Didn’t hear from the beautiful friend again for some reason.

 

Of course I was disappointed that friendship and a possible whirlwind romance never took off but had to console myself, at least I have retained both my kidneys!!