I would lie if I sing Äal eez well and hakuna matata: don’t worry be happy


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By Philip Mudartha


Bellevision Media Network


Doha, 12 April 2012: “Life is good”, so said my young friend who turned 40 last week. Married for just over a decade, two kids, two jobs, two cars, and a live-in maid, it is a ‘no regrets’ success story for him. Only four years have passed; when, he sought my help to save his marriage. It was almost broke. Those bad memories and the struggles of nearly twenty years have faded. He has arrived.

 

Life begins at forty, another young colleague coo-ed the oft-repeated cliché. What you mean, I asked. Did you mess up your life good, and want to have a second chance? Increasingly, people particularly women are looking at turning forty as a catharsis moment. They pause to evaluate their past and make a new beginning.

 

If my first stage was about care-free romping in fields, schools and colleges, and next was about struggling to find a livelihood, make a home and establish a family, the third stage began with a mid-life crisis. Turning 40, proved to be, the key psychological milestone, if not a biological one: I suddenly had regrets. Like most men. The experts were right.

 

Something needs to be fixed.

 

How? Can I turn the clock back and create a roadmap for Life? “The forty year vision” as the self-help Gurus put it?

 

Late, too late; the wife is out-of-touch with the job market. Her job skills are obsolete; would she re-train? Hey, she has three kids. Don’t you think them a little too many? Yea; but. They need a full time nanny, for dragging them out of bed at god-damned hour of five in the morning, wash them, feed them, dress them, pack sandwiches in the Tiffin-box, cajole them to check their bags, verify that everything including the school diary is in and herd them out to the school bus before its moody driver decides to drive away leaving them behind. Better, mommy play the nanny. Because, daddy has to get set go and play office, office.

 

Go to gulf, its money, baba. The foul-mouthed fat man had his last laugh. In the modern El Dorado, no pots of gold dangling from the palms waiting to be plucked like ripened dates. It is arid hot and humid sand-pit, where sandstorms fly at you with such ferocity, by forty you are roiling in self-pity. What have I done with my life? With wages nearly frozen since early eighties, but expenditures mounting, not because of inflation (prices actually falling), but needs and expense heads multiplying both of near and dear ones and others put on voluntary payroll, the wallets are not bulging. The bank balances are shrinking. The annual gifts and giveaways are drying up.  Gulfachyani roddlear, ami khoi vechem? Who would believe if the dhobi said he has no clothes to wear? They will not understand. Everyone wants my money: relatives, friends, priests, charities, insurance agents, bank branch managers, and those in genuine trouble.

 

“Dad and mummy no longer love me. They don’t laugh like they used to. Life is fun no more.  No beach outings, no parties, no new toys, and no movies. They even argue and fight. It may be about money, or may be...”

 

“Dad and mummy no longer love me, but when did they love me? I always got clothes handed down from my bro. I am second, everything for me is secondhand, toys, books, color pens. We don’t have money. And when they argue and fight, maybe, because of me…”

 

This is crazy. Aren’t we the ‘lucky and blessed’ who are supposed to trot around native villages wearing glitzy Ray-ben sunglasses, pricy Swiss watches, golden wristbands, bracelets, necklaces, and chains? Pour out and offer imported scotch? Inhale and puff upon fancy cigarettes? I did not arrive at this page 3 lifestyle. If one has not arrived by forty and not made his money, he is a fool. Once a fool, I will ever remain a fool.

 

Not really. Every cloud has a silver lining. Not everyone spots it, though, especially those wallowing in self-pity. Most flock to prayer-houses and pray. Some fall back on friends to bare their chests and vent frustrations. For a very few, the misery ends. Did you hear X killed himself? I saw him last week, did you know he had chest pains and is no more. Heart-attacks, strokes, cancer, cholesterol, diabetes, killed in road accident. Poor chap, was worried about job. No security.

 

I survived my mid-life crisis. Like everyone else, self-doubt, regrets, self-pity, job insecurity, anger, frustration, helplessness, I have seen and experienced it all. The family stayed together through it, sharing agony and grief and made sacrifices. No grand vision, no grand strategy, no specific and explicit goals, no meticulous planning. But, like the sparrows in the fields, going about lives hoping and knowing that not even a strand of hair will turn grey, no matter how hard we tried, without the design and will of a Supreme Power that is within us and without. Shall we call out to him? Thy will be done.

 

The hellish decade did come to an end, bringing in the sobriety of the fifties. The new dawn broke. Stop worrying and start living is the new motto. It is my epiphany of sorts. Why and how did it happen, without a roadmap?

 

Looking back, it is simple. Do you see the sparrows fretting about in mid-air with wings fluttering full-time in search of next seed and straw? They are out there, within their sight. They go out to reach them, and gather. Recognize the opportunity. See a problem as an opportunity. And take it easy, no fluttering of wings, without e sapping energy in toxic thoughts. I got only one life. Do not waste it in over analysis of past. Live the moment.

 

That is the greatest discovery I made in my early fifties. Was I too late, would you say? I don’t I know. I don’t care. What matters is, I am around, alive and kicking, leading a normal life, making it worthwhile each day, enjoying every small thing that I do, and not making a list of regrets. There is an eternity within a grave for that. For now, let me live.

 

Shall I now sit back and sing: Aal izz well; hakuna matata. Don’t worry! Be Happy. That is another story, stay with me.

 

 

Comments on this Article
Prakash Noronha, Pamboor/Doha Sat, April-14-2012, 2:10
Dear Mr.Philip, It is a nice article and it is reality in many people’s life.
Peter P. Saldanha, Pamboor Fri, April-13-2012, 4:08
Nice article. Very well written without being preachy or too negative. In fact your articles are very interesting to read. Keep writing. Dr Eugene / Web admin, May I request you to archive all his previous articles and provide hyperlinks so that we don't miss any of them. You can have a section at the end of the latest article which shows \"other articles by author\". Thank You. Really appreciate it.
snehalatha, udupi Fri, April-13-2012, 3:24
An eye opening write up !
MichaelSequeira, Pamboor/Nairobi Thu, April-12-2012, 12:29
write about the advice of a MBA guy to a mexican villager who was enjoying the beauty of fishing with his little kid in a village river shore.That would be an eye opening for people on rat-race in this modern,envious world of ours. I like your articles for the natural flow of ideas and opinions and which concur with mine.
Francis J. Saldanha, Moodubelle / Bahrain Thu, April-12-2012, 9:25
Life is wonderful and worth living! Keep up the good job Mr. Mudartha in writing meaningful articles. I appreciate your sense of humor in every article and the facts you are addressing… Whenever any good or bad things happen to an individual then that individual should think that she/he is not the first person or will not be the last person on this earth to experience it!! Am staying back to read more from your thinking cap!! Thanks
Anil, Dubai Thu, April-12-2012, 7:23
You have echoed the sentiments of every middle aged man on earth! A common man aged 40 want to start life all over again because most of his dreams are not fulfilled, he s tired of living a life which is not his own, he is fed up with the sacrifices he is making for his family. Nice article Philip. Looking forward to read the next part.
Ronald Sabi, Moodubelle Thu, April-12-2012, 1:57
I would rate this article worth Gold! A must read for all adult age groups. Your thoughts are deep...yet fully soaked with reality.
Eugene DSouza, Moodubelle Wed, April-11-2012, 9:52
Philip Mudartha s articles are quite thought provoking, interesting and in some parts hilarious making it a complete reading experience. His philosophy of life which he has aptly put in the words For now, let me live is quite appropriate. All of us have one life and rather than regretting what we could not achieve, it would be better to count the blessings and get on with life as best as we can. However, i am little intrigued by the last line of the article,"Shall I now sit back and sing: Aal izz well; hakuna matata. Don't worry! Be Happy. That is another story, stay with me." Dear Philip certainly we will stay with you as you bring out many surprises which are quite interesting to read. Keep going...we will follow you....
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